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Nate Baker's Newsletter #99

"The coaching education newsletter for those dedicated to helping their people pursue their potential."

The Culture Rep

Essential Reading for All Developers

The Angry Developer: 5 Ways to Change Your Perspective

December 13, 2024 | Read on my website | Read time: 4 minutes

“You were a bit of an angry elf on the sideline today…”

He wasn’t wrong.

This past week, I coached at the MLS Next winter showcase in Palm Springs, CA, and my good friend (who coaches at the highest level) watched my team play.

He said it jokingly to rib me a bit, but he was right.

Which got me thinking…

Why was I so frustrated?

Why was I so angry?

And again, if I’m being honest, there was an undercurrent of anger and frustration the entire week. The whole plane ride home, I thought about this. I understood the heart of the issue:

There was a perceived gap between our performances and our standards.

We’ve all been there. We want more from our group on the day than they are able to give. This chasm creates a frustration that can manifest as:

• Overcoaching
• Emotional Swings
• Even Ego-protection

I’m human. I get emotional. We all have these moments, but on the plane ride home, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

There was a perceived gap between our performance and the standards, but this perspective fails to take into account how much my players have grown this season…

And how that growth elevates the standards we pursue.

The levels we aspire to are directly related to the growth of our players. We demand more of them as they continue to grow. But if you become too growth-focused…

You lose sight of the growth right in front of you.

We won this match 4-1 and dominated it throughout.

Last year with the same group, it took us 30 matches to win our first.

For the rest of this article, I will detail 5 ways to combat becoming an “Angry Developer” and retain a more useful perspective:

1. Small Wins Ground Us

I used to think small wins only provided the motivation to stay in process.

What I didn’t realize is that they are also a grounding mechanism perspective-wise. If in the moment, you have an awareness of how far your group has grown, you can provide better support them in the current moment. A failure to recognize small wins narrows our vision…

It’s like putting blinders on that only allow you to see the growth yet to come.

Which limits our ability to see the growth all around us.

2. Trusted Perspectives

You need people you trust to provide perspective.

Yes, my buddy joked with me about it, but I had someone on my bench who could provide the perspective in real time, and talk about it afterward. I work with my best friend, who shares my vision for development, but he also feels comfortable enough to shake me when I’m getting too emotional.

Every Developer needs this.

Otherwise, our ego can take us (and our team) off their path.

3. Take a Walk Down Memory Lane

Carry a better perspective into the match.

This group lost its first game ever 9-1 to a team we would outplay and beat only 15 months later. It’s difficult to quantify the amount of growth that must occur to create the conditions for that type of transformation.

But you don’t need to quantify it—you just need to recognize it.

And bring it with you to every match.

4. Don’t Let the Standards Become Outcomes

Potential is an endless horizon that we continuously pursue.

Like potential, standards are levels that we continuously pursue. But both potential and standards are more useful constructs when they are more directional and less tangible. You don’t want your standards to become outcomes because that’s a slippery slope toward non-development.

Be less concerned with what must be.

Be more concerned with heading in the right direction.

5. Be Vulnerable (Culture Rep Time)

My willingness to be vulnerable allowed us to finish strong.

I explained the chasm between their performance and the new standard, but it was said from a place of care and humility. They knew they had more in them and that I was giving them the permission to pursue it.

This Day 2 talk created the conditions to play freely on Day 3.

It also provided us a reminder of how far we had come.

Final Words

We always want more.

There is a ton of frustration when you believe in your players’ potential…

And they seem miles away from it.

But this is when we need to:

• take a deep breath,
• shift our awareness, and
• change our perspective.

And that starts with seeing the growth right in front of our faces.

Because when our players ARE moving toward those high standards, we forget the standards are moving too.

We can’t be so focused on growth…

That we miss the growth right in front of us.

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Injury Time

A Chance to Connect Before the Final Whistle

Next week will be our 100th edition of Nate Baker's Newsletter!

With that in mind, let's get to this week's question.
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​This Week's Question:

It would be awesome to hear your feedback. Sometimes it's difficult to know what resonates and what you want more of.

Your responses will go a long way in helping me craft the next 100 editions!

Reply to this email with your best response and we'll keep the conversation going next week.

Have a great weekend, and good luck with your next step.

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To Development,

Nate Baker

Founder of The Developer’s Way​
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P.S. Whenever you are ready, there is 1 more way I can help you👇:

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